Every Day, I Choose YOU
Parenthood. It’s no walk in the damn park. It’s hard. Really hard. Let me be honest. It’s hard as fuck.
My postpartum brain sucks too. I have struggled with postpartum depression and still am, and adjusting to our new life.
One of the hardest parts about it all has been the adjustment from two to three. Before, when it was just my husband and I, we only had to worry about ourselves. When we were at home, we only had each other to focus on. Now, we have this beautiful boy in our lives and are trying to give him the best parents possible. However, we are forgetting each other in the process.
Some days I honestly feel that it would be easier to do it alone. I would have one less person to worry about and wouldn’t feel bad for neglecting my husband so often; but there is one other thing.
I choose my husband. I choose him every single day. I choose him when I like him and when I don’t. I choose him when I want to be alone and when I want him close. I choose him when he slurps his damn cereal and when he brushes my hair.
I choose my husband when I am drowning. I choose him when I feel the world is collapsing around me. I choose him when I feel he would be better off without me.
A year and half ago, I froze my ass off on a mountainside at sunset to marry my best friend. I knew with all of my heart that he was the person I wanted to share my life with. Some days those feelings seem so far away from me, but I have realized that even when I am struggling to find them, I am still choosing him.
Love is not rainbows and sunshine. Love is not even that butterflies in the stomach bullshit. Love is sticking together through the rollercoaster of life.
So, to my husband – I know that it has been tough. Please know this, I choose you. Every day. And I will choose you tomorrow.
Kudos to the parents that actually give a damn. Kudos to those that want to give their child attentive parents. Don’t forget each other.
While it is important for my son to feel loved by his mom and dad, it is equally important that our son gets to see what love is. He needs to see what it looks like to be committed to sharing life with each other and to choose love.
After all, our love will be the example our son uses as an adult.
On the humorous side of it all, we wouldn’t be in the spit-up covered mess if we didn’t love each other in the first place.